Harriette Cole: I didn’t like how he proposed, so I said no. Should I ask him to try again?

DEAR HARRIETTE My boyfriend in recent months proposed to me and I disclosed no not because I don t want to marry him but because of how he did it Related Articles Harriette Cole I hate running Should I train for a marathon Harriette Cole My friend didn t want to hear my take on her disordered eating Harriette Cole The man I m dating made a proposal I didn t want to hear Harriette Cole My friends shine so bright that nobody sees me Harriette Cole My friend thought I d be foolish enough to fall for his scheme He proposed at a baseball challenge in front of a huge crowd and it felt comprehensively wrong for me I don t even like sports and he knows that I ve invariably dreamed of a more intimate and meaningful proposal something that reflects who we are as a couple Instead I felt caught off guard uncomfortable and even a little embarrassed I panicked and stated no in the moment but now I m wondering if I overreacted The thing is this isn t just about the proposal itself It makes me question whether he truly understands me and what I value If he had put thought into making it personal and special I would ve announced yes in a heartbeat Now I m left feeling disappointed and I don t know if I should just move past it have him try again or take this as a sign that we might not be as compatible as I thought Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way Should I talk to him about redoing the proposal in a way that feels right for me or is this a red flag about our future together Proposal Gone Wrong DEAR PROPOSAL GONE WRONG Sit down and talk to your boyfriend Apologize for reacting so strongly and negatively to his proposal Explain that he caught you off guard Then tell him specifically how you felt Remind him that you don t like sports so you felt like his proposal did not take you or your feelings into consideration at all This led you to wonder if he knows what you value Tell him that you are open to marrying him but now you are concerned whether you two are on the same page Ask him to share his reasons for proposing in that way Try not to be accusatory as you talk to him or he might clam up and stop talking DEAR HARRIETTE I grew up with Christian parents and Christian friends at a Christian church I believe in God and read my Bible from time to time but I struggle to confidently call myself a Christian Part of me feels like I don t do enough and I wonder if I d be criticized by those who do more than me Is it normal to feel so insecure about my own faith Christian in Training Related Articles Miss Manners Heroes No these co-workers are selfish and inconsiderate Dear Abby Our sons are stand-up comedians and what they re doing isn t funny Asking Eric My sisters-in-law hijacked the dinner and created chaos in my house Harriette Cole I hate running Should I train for a marathon Miss Manners I don t want to lie and say her hair looks nice DEAR CHRISTIAN IN TRAINING There will reliably be people who doubt who you are how strong your faith is and what you do with your life Do not concern yourself with those people Instead if you want to have a better understanding of your faith and your role in it consider going to adult Bible school You are never too old to analysis or to deepen your faith Perhaps your church offers such a initiative If not look online Your denomination may have specific courses workshops or immersion sessions that create opportunities to dive into your faith Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO