Harriette Cole: I’d go out with him if it weren’t for this woman’s immature meddling
DEAR HARRIETTE A close friend of mine likes to play the role of Cupid Her interest in other people s love lives might be well-meaning but for me it feels invasive I m generally a bit reserved about my love life but my friends know about a certain someone I am interested in There has been a few subtle flirting and so far I like the slow burn The last time we were all together my friend took it upon herself to tell my crush that I m shy and I just need a push in the right direction I was peeved and uncomfortable for the rest of that night while she was quite proud of herself I thought it was immature and that s not how I want to be perceived by anyone let alone someone I might get involved with Since then he has appealed if just the two of us could do something and I reported him I d let him know I still like him but I feel so embarrassed and self-conscious now Am I overreacting Unsolicited Help DEAR UNSOLICITED HELP Look past your pushy friend for a moment at the opportunity before you The guy you like has urged you out Go for it He may be like you a bit shy and needing a push to make a move While your friend should mind her own business she may have done you a favor by generating a reaction Don t allow your anger at her to cloud your vision You can just go with the flow to see how the date unfolds or you can directly address the elephant in the room Tell him that your friend made you embarrassed but you are glad the two of you are sharing a moment together DEAR HARRIETTE Two years ago I was in an abusive relationship definitely emotionally and eventually physically abusive The person I was with had abandonment issues and I stayed because I needed to show him that not everyone leaves After staying through the abuse I realized that I wasn t what would heal him or change him When I ultimately ended it I severed all ties I thought I had covered all my bases and nearly two years of zero contact fooled me into thinking it was all behind me Then I got a long email from him asking if I might allow him the opportunity to apologize He explained that he is now in therapy dealing with all the things that made him so angry to begin with and recognizes that I didn t deserve any of what he put me through I feel so proud of the two years of no contact that I gave myself but part of me feels owed an apology Will his apology help me move on Am I taking strategies backward Cutting Ties Related Articles Dear Abby My mom wants me to train my toddler in certain tasks Asking Eric Does this woman s behavior qualify as emotional hostage-taking Harriette Cole Advice to mother who s done having babies draws forceful response Miss Manners Don t they know that work email isn t private Dear Abby Her air freshener habit has led to an unexpected obstacle DEAR CUTTING TIES From personal experience I suggest that you not open that door again When I allowed my abusive college boyfriend to talk to me years after we broke up I ended up upset all over again because his apologies were not enough Let your ex deal with making his amends from a distance Don t turn back Live your life Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
